God's Gift.

Today, I received a very good news from God.  I am pregnant. First baby and I am nervous and excited both at the same time.  This is something that I have been waiting for and my wish was granted.  I am officially a mother to a very beautiful child.  I can't wait to see her or him, it doesn't really matter but I want a girl, I want her to have long dark hair, big bright eyes and beautiful lips.  I want her to be talented, respectful and God-fearing.  I can't wait to see her and teach her the words of God and teach her the walks of life.  If it's going to be a boy, I want him to be respectful to women and be responsible, I want him to be a good man.
I remember when my mom told me before she died that she wanted to have a grandchild but I told her she can't yet for she is sick and she needs to be strong first so she can take care of her grandchild, she said if she won't get better, she will ask God to give me a child, and God is so good that she granted my mother's request. 
I already have baby names, if it's a girl, I will name her "Virginia Phillipa Temple" and if it's a boy I will name him "John Francis Temple" unless the father would have any objections, then I would stick to that name.

To you my baby, don't be afraid. Mama will take care of you.  I love you.

Missing You.

I missed you today, I miss the times where I just have to call you and I know that you'd pick up the phone and you would call me "baby".  I miss the times when I share you stories and you would give me advice.  I miss the time when I hold your hand and you will squeeze it back.  I miss your smell, your voice, when you laugh and your funny jokes.  I miss it when you call my name.  I just miss you.

I love you, and no one can replace you, no one can do the things that you do, no one can make me cry like you do, no one can make me laugh like you do and no one can talk to me like you do, your voice calm me down, your touch makes me feel that I will be alright even if the whole world is against me.

But I know that you will not be there anymore, I will never hear your voice and you will never hold me again and more and more everyday I long for you, I wish I have a time machine so I can go back to the times when you are just a hug away.

Until now I hurt, I can never be specific on when I will be okay, I remember when someone told me, "It is ok to mourn but you should be okay next week." Oh how I would like to slap that person for telling me that.  Losing someone forever is not something like losing a pair of shoe, or a pair of earrings. Losing someone and not seeing them again is something you can cry about when you feel like it.

I still long for you, I still whisper your name to the wind hoping that you can hear me.  I know you do, and I know that you are watching somewhere together with the angels.  But I know I will be okay, that I will be fine because that's what I promised you and I will take care of the people you love and I love.  And I know that when it's my time to go I will see you again, that is why I look  to everyday till I reach 60.

I guess I just miss you Mama.  I love you and I will see you in time.

Motherless.

One of the greatest heartaches I ever had was when I lost my mother.  I am now motherless, if there is such a word.
My mom took care of me almost her entire life.  I was her first born.  She would always tell friends how difficult it was to carry me, she said I was heavy, she said she would crave for apples when she was raising me in her womb.  My mother used to fix my hair when I go to school, she would bring me to her office during weekends and buy me stuff.  I can still remember every time I am with her even when I was still little.  My mother is very fond of fixing and moving furniture in the house, she would make sure that everything is in its right place, she did not build a house but a home.
My friends would envy me for I have the coolest mom, and she was indeed the coolest mom, she has this funny dance and a voice that cannot carry a tune, but I always look forward to calling her on her phone and she would could me her "baby."  But now, not even her laugh I can hear.  She would never make us worry if she's troubled or sick, even when she died, she didn't tell us that she was battling breast cancer.
I am not a perfect daughter but I'd say that my mother was the happiest of my achievements and would teach me and guide me when I fall.  Everyone would turn their back against me, but never my mother.  On the night before she passed away, I asked for her forgiveness, touched her beautiful hands and kissed her and told her how much I love her.  I always do, but now I can only tell how much I love and miss her to the wind.
When I h ad my first job, I'd buy her stuff, I always give her jewelry she liked the big, chunky ones and she would ask me to buy her bags which we both love collecting, but now every time I'd buy things I'd miss her more.
My mother was not the best cook, but no one can cook spaghetti and gelo like her, she became famous to friends and family because of her spaghetti, but now I'd look at spaghetti differently and not even the best chefs can compete with my mother's cooking.
During the wake, people would cry of her passing, everyone loved her and everyone regrets that she is now lifeless.  It broke their hearts, it shattered mine.

My mother is a funny woman, she would have antics that everyone would remember to name a few, she say "betty boob" instead of betty boop, she would say "patutsin" instead of paotsin and she would say "chichu" instead of shihtzu.

I would miss her every christmas, new year, birthday, valentine's day, but most of all I will miss her everyday. I know she might be not physically here but I know that she can still see me, and she will always be there whenever I need her.  She is officially my guardian angel.

I miss you Ma, and I don't think I can go on without you but I will try because I know that's how you want it. Too  bad that I am not able to give you a grandchild and you will never be at my wedding, I promise to raise my kids just how you raised us, and take care of my husband the way you did with Pa.

I love you and I will see you again when it's my time.

Mahal na mahal kita.

Lucky Bastard

Have you ever had that feeling when you are holding on so tight so you won't fall at the edge of the cliff?

Or that feeling of tiredness from work and you can't do anything but complain?

What about giving up on someone or something that really mattered to you?  If so, then you are one "lucky bastard"

Confused? So am I, but then I realized that we have no right to complain if we are in difficult situations as such because when we sinned, it was Him who died on the cross, it was Him who paid for our sins just to save us and He was nowhere near complaining.

Today, God was the center of our conversation, and it should always be like that no matter how difficult times are.  You were used by God to save me from falling, from complaining and most of all He made me let go of something that mattered because God has plans for me, for you, for us.

I thank God that I am given this wonderful opportunity to know Him more, to love Him more under no conditions.  And I am thankful that you, my dear friend did not let go of my hand when I was about to give up.  You asked me if you were a burden, no you weren't but I wont be ashamed to admit that  there were times that we were both difficult with each other, you asked if you are able to help me, and I am happy to say that you gave me more than what I asked for and I praise God for that.  And to reward you, I will remain loyal to my faith by knowing God more through the Bible.

So to you, when you are about to fall, when you feel tired and you want to complain, when you think that you are nothing --- always remember that you are one LUCKY BASTARD.

Thank you God for blessing me, and the people that mattered to me. And for giving me the gift of friendship - he is a lifesaver, after you of course, I can't let him take all the credit.  (hahaha!)

I Praise You, I Love You.

It's Official. I'm Dating God.

Today is my first day to hear God's words from the Pastor.  And God said that wives must submit to their husbands, husbands must respect their wives and wives must always encourage their husbands even if they are not at their best instead of putting them down when wrong decisions were made.
The sermon was not just about how married couples in general must be, but what's important is how is their relationship with God, and that is what's important.  God should be the center of all relationships, and nothing could go wrong.

It reminded me of my Papa and Mama -- on how they respected each other, on how pure their love is for each other and how glorious God is for blessing me with a home full of love and respect.  I am happy and humbled to say that God chose me to be the daughter of two wonderful people graced by His love.

And I wanted to thank you, for God gave me you so I can experience this feeling of awesomeness.  The feeling is overwhelming, I was welcomed by kind people, they shook my hand and I am humbled. And not only that, but I shook the man who delivered the Lord's words -- that is just cool! When you visit a home for the first time, you will feel alienated, but today I was graced by God's wonderful people, when you visit a home, it is rare that you get an invitation to go back, but I was invited and now I am looking forward to spend my Sunday with the Lord, surrounded by people close to Him.

I can't wait to date God on Sunday.

My Top Something Something Songs.

Ok! So this week was just tiring so let me cap off this week with songs that I have on my player.


Enjoy!


Lego House by Ed Sheeran - Yep! I didn't know he can sing.  I thought he can only cast spells.  Yes, he is Ronald Weasley from Harry Potter. I heard him while I was browsing YouTube and I kinda like the beat of the song.  The lyrics are very plain and simple, something you can sing along.

Marry Me by Train - I always shed a tear every time I listen to this song.  The perfect love song.  A song that talks about love and how it can find you, mysteriously.

Damned by Shimoli - a feel good song, I always have this song on repeat. Damn!

Real by Plumb - nope, she is not 23.  But this song talks about so much about how people would sell themselves out just to fill in that emptiness.

Stranded by Jennifer Paige - I just like this song.

Take My Breath Away by Emma Bunton - I liked her more when I was able to sail with her in one of the Hobie Challenges way back 2005.  And her brother which she fondly call Beboy!

Naked by Spice Girls - one of the sexiest songs I have ever heard, it may not topped the charts but it surely topped my heart.

Too Much by Spice Girls - yes, I admit, I am a big fan of Spice Girls --- even before all girls group came into the music scene, they bagged it and they bagged it all.  Pussy Cat who??? Oh yes, it's just TOO MUCH!

Shoes and Relationships.

Please don't think that I am shallow -- comparing love and shoes, but if you think about it, the two are the same.  Let me tell you how they are similar.

It has to be the perfect fit.  When you find love, it should make you happy, you should both agree on some things, it may not be everything but I think it's just fair that you have something in common with your partner.  Just like shoes, it has to match your taste, may it be color or style.

It should be long-lasting. And I am talking about shoes. But seriously, when you find yourself a partner, don't you wish that the person is the one?  You would want that person to be the one you will spend the rest of your life with, through thick and thin?

It should be reliable. And that's how your partner should be, someone who will never leave you no matter how bad and ugly things are.  Someone who you can lean on, someone who will make you feel safe.

It should be fun. Relationships should be fun too, talking about serious matters all the time can greatly affect your expectations when these things are not met.  Relationships should be like the rainbow, colorful and full of life.

When you are trying to find yourself a partner, think of shoes.  Is this person the one who you can take long journeys ahead, someone who will not break when the weather is bad, someone who you can have fun with? Is he someone you can count on when no one is there but you.  Does it fit you right and most importantly, there should be no regrets, just like shoes, it may take awhile before you can find what you want, and once you have it, never let it go.

I have 42 pairs of shoes, and hopefully He is my perfect match.