unloved.

Part 1.

Paano mo ba malalaman na mahal ka?

Is it enough that he tells you everyday that he does? Is it enough that he does things for you, like take you out to a nice dinner, treat you to your favorite movie or even buy you a nice pair of shoes.
It is sad to know that this is how some of us quantify love, when the real truth is it doesn't have to cost you too much just to show someone that you love them, what if money was never invented, or restaurants were not built, or girls never liked shoes, how will you show someone that they are loved?
There are different kinds of love -- there is love between family, which I am blessed to feel in my years of existence, surely we have fights but that's what families are for.  There's love of a friend which I am able to test, I am lucky to be showered by friends that really cared, friends that doesn't consider distance.  And there is love that you want from someone, love that will never hurt, love that will never get justified, love that will never cheat, love that will be contented, a happy love.  For a long time I had relationships -- and in these relationships I got hurt, but I never gave up, I thought to myself, if other people can find their one true love, well so can I.  I even got married thinking that maybe this person was my one great love, it turned out the man was sick and he needed to someone to take care of him, I can't stay in a marriage that was built through lies, so I left.
And then I found you, June 25, 7 years ago, I knew it was love, you would drive a long way just to hold my hand and say that you love me and that you needed to see me before you do something grant, you used to say I am your charm, that I am your rock.
There are things I  had to give up for you, not that I regret it, but I know that there are things that I am fully capable of doing when I love someone more than myself, I left my family for you and lived with you in our little house, and I was really happy that finally after years and years and years of searching -- I found you.

Surely it wasn't the perfect relationship, nonetheless it was for me, sleeping with you on the same bed, cooking for you, doing things with you, taking nice vacations --- all of these are wonderful but the best thing of it all is I get to do all these with you.

Our fights are unimaginable, we fight like men, there's shouting and throwing and crying and scratching of all sorts, but at the end of it all we still loved each other.

When did you stop loving me? Why are you so unhappy? Why can't you be not contented.  I am being hold against that time when I cheated on you, which happened once and I was blamed because I cheated for the reason that you disregarded me, that you just kept your distance and just shut off and I was left wondering why you had to go through whatever you are going through instead of making me part of it.